Last week, I ended up visiting both of my agencies. My commercial agency was actually bought by another one (I am now represented by Talentworks Los Angeles for commercials; ACME is, as of last Friday, done--check out the press release if you are interested), so I got to go to the new office and sign a bunch of paperwork. (On a sidenote - I am with the same agency as William Shatner! How rad is that?) Suffice to say--I am really excited about 2009.

I’ve talked about it before, but the relationship one has with their agents and manager is just so...specific, you know? I have a small phalanx of great people that are working, hard, to get me auditions. Just getting an agent...I mean, that took awhile, and then it took even longer to find an agent that was able to get me work in the first place. I am incredibly fortunate, really, to have Imperium-7 and Talentworks working with me, it is incredibly humbling.

Anyway, I had a really good meeting with Emily, Brian and Mandy at Talentworks. They have been very supportive and encouraging and have always made me very welcome whenever I come by and say hello. And I was grateful to them for being so great on Friday, to be honest. It’s been a tough year, as you know. I’ve done a lot of work, but most of it was non paying. Great experiences*, sure, but, like, I’m not helping anyone pay their bills, you know? So, when you meet with your agents, there’s this feeling, this overwhelming feeling, of “thank you for being so patient--it will get better, it will!” The fact they kept me on during the move brings me to the title of this entry--it’s validation, it’s trust that this team believes in me and that belief, that support is, really, one of reasons why I keep at this. It’s the main reason, of course, but it’s a big kick in the ass to keep me positive.

All people, but artists and performers in particular, despite their loud protestations, need validation. However, to admit it somehow means that you are weak, that you are doing your art to please other people. And, to some extent, that argument is correct. I act to entertain people (friends and family especially), to make them feel something. If I suck at it, people will not be interested. If they are into it, then there is a degree of validation to my endeavor. To an extent, that validation keeps me going, it makes me work hard to be “better” -- to make more honest choices, to rely less on theatrical tricks, to work in projects that people will want to watch. Validation does not mean “you’ve done it, you’re good” -- it means, “hey, you are on the right path, keep going.”

So whenever I get a nice email from my agent or manager, even a short one, it puts a skip in my step. I know how that sounds--it could very well sound needy and lacking of self confidence. It’s not, trust me. If I was lacking in self-confidence I would be living somewhere else.

Validation has changed, for me, through the years. When I first started out, like, in high school, validation came in the form of laughter and applause. Makes sense; those were first cues that I was getting something right. Then, later, in college, it was more about getting validation from other actors and directors (something that has definitely not gone away (nor will it ever)). When I was doing summer theater way back when, I loved that I could do a show for a bunch of people who didn’t know me--I could just do the show and disappear into the night. There, the validation came from making each show sharper and fuller. In New York, it was all a mix. Now, the validation comes from the feedback and training I am getting in class and, of course, from the others I have discussed above.

Of course, there is overt validation--how many people come to see the show, what reviewers say, etc. Ironically, in my day job, I have the same challenge--the products we release are offered up, for validation, I suppose, to the Mac community and Mac press. I have several press interviews next week to talk about what we are doing and whenever we get a new product out, we are constantly wondering what the product reviews are going to say--the higher the rating, the higher the validation, resulting in credibility in the Mac community and, business wise, increased sales.

We all wrestle with validation and our relationship with it. Every job requires someone to validate how well we are doing. The struggle with growing older is figuring out to compromise the feelings of “I don’t need the validation of someone who doesn’t get it, man” and “Wow, if I do a good job, there will more opportunities”. To accept the value of external validation without compromising your independence and idealism, to enjoy that wrestling match...is that where the wrinkles come from?

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* These are already posted on the web at Enormous Productions, so I feel like it’s okay to talk about them now Remember those spots I did for work? Well, here they are. Hope you like them.

Tags: validation,acting,work

I got this amazingly cool print (hi-res version here) hanging my cube from Secret Headquarters, a cool comic book store over in Silver Lake, the neighborhood I should be living in. This is a poster of Scott Campbell's artwork for King of Kong, which you must rent/buy if you haven't seen it. Great movie.

Three day weekend! Ovef! I had a really good one, I must say. Whit was at work pretty much the entire time dealing with the very successful Phoenix landing--click the link, very cool mission so far.

Ugh, I started this earlier this week and wasn't able to post it. Been kind of an odd week, bouncing from "life is great" in the morning and then "argh, life is driving me CRAZY!" just a few hours later. Work is good, but one of the products I am working on is causing people headaches, which gives me a migraine. We'll get to the bottom of the problem, but it's hard to deal with when your email program is hogging up 99% of your CPU usage. Frustrating.

Going surfing again tomorrow morning, which will make it twice in one week. The key is to keep sticking with it, I assume. I am looking forward to it, I just want to actually stand up and drift on down, just to figure out that balance. I'll work on the balance stuff tonight during yoga.

Acting is slow and it's really driving everyone I know crazy. Kind in an irritable mood, so I will just post this now..

I am at the airport waiting to fly up to Apple Inc. to talk to the Silicon Valley Mac Users Group this evening. It should be fun, I haven't been to a MUG meeting in a very, very long time...the Internet has made discussions and virtual meetups so easy that the user group thing is nowhere as big a scene as it was back in the, ah, back in the day. So that should be fun, I am kinda bracing myself for complaints about old products and the usual "why should I use your product when..."--but it's cool, at least we get a chance to talk.

The real news, of course, is the arrival of one of my very best friend's first child, Kendra Louise Ross, born to Zak and Megan yesterday. Big news! Everyone in the family is doing well, and it's gonna be fun watching Zak deal with raising a little girl. I actually can't wait. It's interesting, we're getting to that tipping point where more of my friends have kids than do not. I mean, Ollie already has two boys! Life, life, life all around us. Congrats, Megan and Zak. Zagan. Welcome Kendra! Looking forward to meeting you!

It's been, somehow, over a week since I last updated--and I was doing so well, too! And since I refuse to pay for LAX's lame ass wifi, it will be a bit of time before I can send this off. A few things:

1 - it's truly uncomfortable using a MacBook Pro on your lap. it's just too damn hot.

2 - the guys at iFanboy have asked me to contribute some writing and I am very happy to get a chance to do so. I'll keep you posted on this.

3 - Had a nice audition this morning. had a great class last week. got some very nice feedback, recognition and encouragement from work based on the work I have been doing over the past few weeks. kinda cool, I will admit.

4 - My screenplay has gone from action adventure to a comedy that deals with relationships using my experiences in off-off broadway as a literal figurative backdrop. I liked the other story, but I really wanted to hang out and start working with characters as opposed to types. I will get my explosive action movie after this one goes.

Oh--Zak, my hip flexor was rocking me a bit, I am not sure what was going on, but it was popping and freaking out and I wasn't sure what to do. It was almost as if one leg was shorter than the other for a bit there. Somehow it's settled a bit--I think it's because I stopped running for a week (I usually run a bit before spinning class); the impact from the running was knocking things about. I also started focusing on it (the pain, such as it was, was right in the balljoint area thing) in yoga as well as doing some faom roller stuff.

Finally, went to Angelino Heights this past weekend, they had an open house tour, where you could check out these amazing Victorians, right in the middle of Echo Park! It was really neat to be in restored Victorians (I couldn't take pictures inside) in LA.









I'll post more to my flickr page, too.

Tags: baby, travel